A profession or a way of life?

Often, I am asked how I am able to do what I do. People hear that I am a nurse- much less a nurse whose specialty is critical care- and say “wow, I could never do it” or “that would be so difficult; I'd just break down every day”. It's as if they think that somehow, nurses are stronger and that's how we are able to do what we do. That we have some gift that makes us able to bear this all.

Wrong.

Confession: Nurses, doctors (and all related students)...we all break down too. We have days (nights) when we duck into the supply closet or go home and just sob because of something we saw or experienced. A patient died, a baby is discharged into a bad home, someone was diagnosed with cancer. Or all of the above. It IS hard, no matter who you are, to see the kinds of things which people in health care see every day. We aren't any stronger than anyone else.

While I can't speak for others, I know the only way I can handle this is because I have 1) A God who is incredible beyond words and 2) Loved ones who are ALWAYS going out of their way to be there for me when I need them. I humbly hope that I am doing at least the same for them. This is what is so beautiful about these people; ubuntu just seeps out of their loving hands whether they know it or not. They are there no matter what time it is, no matter how busy they are, no matter what is going on in their own lives & hearts. They are so reliable that I don't even have to question it. Just...angels. All of them. Take God or any one of them out of the mix, and I would just never be the same. I would not be able to do what I do. So you see, in many ways, we are one. I need them. They need me. I don't need to defend this to a culture which teaches us to say “I am myself regardless of the presence of others”; I know that this is beautiful. And it is my wish that everyone would come to at least explore this beautiful African concept of ubuntu- "a person is a person through other persons"

“What affects one unknowingly affects the others as well”- Archbishop Desmond Tutu

When it comes to crisis, there are really only two ways that people react. Some people, when things get tough, back down and turn inward. And some just are lit on fire. Dire situations ignite something in their brains that make them go “ok, let's do this”. That is me. That, I would venture to think, is most people in medicine. We have to be. And that buffers us from harm- if only minimally- as well. I am so thankful for it.

Third of all, my heart just bleeds for others. It doesn't matter if I've known you for five minutes or five years; I probably adore you already and want to know your story- pretty much just because you are a child of God. If a complete stranger asked me to donate a kidney to them, I'd likely do it. Because it's not really MY kidney, ya know? It's my brother's/sister's too, if he/she needs it. It's not about if I know your or really even if I like you; it's about the fact that we are both human. Truth. It's just how I am. And I love it. Some find it strange to be so giving...so be it. Some think I'm selfless....again....deeeeefinitely not true. I'm no saint. I just believe in living in the best way that I can possibly live. And I want to ignite the flame inside others to do the same.

Finally, nursing fits perfectly when you strongly believe in self-sacrifice for betterment of others. Because- *ahem*- nursing is pretty much STRAIGHT self-sacrifice. At least I think so! Take just one of the emergency plans for the hospital here. In the wake of the Colorado shootings, I was reading the plan for the hospital in the (hopefully unlikely) case of a shooter on campus. Guess what the protocol is? We make sure the patients are all safely in their rooms, shut their doors, and only THEN are we allowed to take cover. If we leave the hospital, its considered patient abandonment (I'm boldly going to suggest that this concept can be applied to non-emergency, non-shooting-related incidents as well...).This sharply contrasts the western philosophy of 'take care of yourself, THEN take care of others'. Medicine requires us to be the exact opposite. It requires sacrifice.

“A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, must empty ourselves.”- Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Ohhhh...yes, healthcare is synonymous with sacrifice. Long hours, odd hours, all those times when you held your bladder and skipped lunch because you were too busy taking care of patients. The times you've been sick because you picked some bug up from a patient. The times you laid awake at night trying to figure out what infectious disease one of your patients could possibly have...so you can figure out what drugs you need to save their life. The countless times your family have had to eat leftovers (again!) because you stayed after work- without extra pay, to take care of the trauma patient that rolled onto the floor as your shift was ending and you 'just couldn't leave'. Because again, your heart says you should stay and help. Whew! It's exhausting. But we love it. And even when we are feeling like we 'just-want-to-go-home-and-clear-our-minds-already!', we know it's what we are meant to do. So we hold onto each other, we say some prayers, and suck it up just in time to take care of the new patient that just rolled through the ER door. You can either live your life in fear, and remember the hurts of your past, or you can say to hell with fear, I'm going to trust anyway. I suggest the latter.

I am not a saint. That is not what I am trying to imply. I simply strive to live my life in a way that hopefully  makes people go “wow, I want to live like that”. I want to be an inspiration for change, even if it means that I have to get under some skins in the process (although this is not my goal). I want to share a little so that I may receive little parts from others, and together we can make a unified whole. This country may tell you to depend on people less. Well, I'm going to be the odd one out...I say we need to learn to depend on each other more. To gain a little bit of our humanity back.

"Be nice to white people. They need you to rediscover their humanity."-Desmond Tutu, speaking to the people of South Africa on promoting unity.

“We must be ready to learn from one another, not claiming that we alone possess all truth and that somehow we have a corner on God.” -Desmond Tutu

To all the beautiful people out there (side note- holy cow, I had no idea THIS many people would be reading this!), thank you for reading this and, in some small way, making me who I am and supporting me in my journey to Tanzania. Interdependence is beautiful.